We live in a world telling us to find bliss and fulfilment. London Time Out this week ran a cover in black and white entitled ‘How to change your life’. Now common! If you really needed to change your life, I seriously hope you’d be on some therapist’s sofa questioning all your life’s choices up to the present moment. Or perhaps you’d be packing your life into storage and buying a trip around the world ticket to find yourself. After all, changing one’s life is a big deal. Any change is.
Change comes with nasty company: denial, anger, self-rejection, and blame. The last one is a mighty character with a big finger pointing at everyone but you. It’s not me! It says. It’s someone else’s fault. It’s always someone else’s fault. I’ve got news for you! It’s no one’s fault. Not even yours. You’re simply blind. Things are as they need to be until you can see again. It’s how we learn. Sometimes it takes a long time, and sometimes it’s super quick. Quiet time, reflection, talking things through with good friends helps a lot. Listening to our heart of hearts helps too. So if you find yourself waking up on a regular basis without a massive smile, if you lull yourself to sleep feeling sad while giving yourself a pep talk that it’s ok, that you’re strong or that you really don’t need anything more, my question to you is are you blind? If you dream about amazing things and it’s highly questionable you’re on a sure enough trajectory to reach them, or the price of your ‘dream’ is costing you a happy, balanced life today, chances are you might be blind.
So how do I know you may ask? Well. Look at it this way. If you gave your life as it is right now to ten strangers on a sidewalk, would they jump at the chance of being in your shoes? If the answer is not a resounding yes, then you are blind! It’s easy to be blind. Being blind is less hurtful at times than admitting the truth. Truth can hurt. And deep. Admitting you made a mistake takes huge courage. Often others are invested in your life too. Who are you to turn around and say, hey guys I don’t think this is what I want. Then again you only have this life. And it’s moving on, minute by minute, day by day, year by year. You can’t really change it for another. Nor can you go back into the shop of life and say “Can I have another life please, I think I want to do it over.”
I once got great advice from a friend on a coaching course I was attending. He said, go to a park, sit on a bench, take a piece of paper and write down all the truths that sit in your heart. Just listen in for what it tells you. Get curious. What makes it say those things. Is it fear? Is it love, excitement, certainty? Is it you or someone else’s thoughts? Write all that is true for you. When you’re done, crumple the paper and throw it away. Then go get your life back! Abre los ojos – Open your eyes and have the courage to accept what life has given you: a chance to see with your own eyes, feel with your own heart and think with your own head. Open your eyes and see what is.