We all have situations where we get angry, react and later wonder “was that really Me?” Here I show you why and how to heal anger.
Recently I have been working with a client who seems to have a dual personality. In fact he asked me somewhat scared, “Magdalena – am I schizophrenic?” He was pleased to learn that in fact what he is experiencing can be quite normal. We are all walking combinations of various selves. In fact we are a system.
Let me show you what I mean. Sometimes, I’m the:
- “have it all together, thriving entrepreneur and coach”,
- “loving, compassionate and understanding partner”,
- and sometimes, “raging lunatic, hard to please volcano waiting to erupt as seemingly trivial things”.
Of course I am many other things too.
- a little girl,
- a coach-therapist,
- a student,
- a client to others,
- a team member etc.
In other words I have many roles and many parts of me. And, all of them contribute to who I am.
Some I like more than others. This morning walking to the corner coffee shop, I bubbled along powered by an uplifting tune. Life seemed beautiful, easy, and surprisingly simple. My own coach Antony floated into my mind. Antony always sees me as this amazing person. It is this more than anything else I thought that helps me believe I can be that! The discovery reignited the very feeling in me and that optimistic, inspired, capable me showed up. And just in time too. I was soon on a call with my IT guru and friend Kyle tackling a big project that scares me. But from this place, our work seemed easier and also more enjoyable.
Those problematic parts
But what about the parts that take over and cause results that are just not nice. The parts that block up, sabotage results and generally get in the way? I hope you know what I’m talking about.
The times when we get stressed, explode, feel defeated or overwhelmed. Times when we give up, say something damaging, or unloving to others or to ourselves.
In these situations, it helps to work the heart muscle as I like to say.
Trying to judge those parts of oursleves as stupid, useless, damaged is not going to make them go away. Nor will being ashamed of them or ignoring them. They will simply keep showing up and keep creating situations that do not serve our best interest.
And how to handle them
Instead, we actually must embrace them. We need to use our minds and get curious about them. And we need to use our heart and learn to embrace and even love these parts too.
To help my client understand and transform anger so he can create better relationships, I needed to help him appreciate where these parts may come from and what to do about them. In the process, I have discovered the links below which helped him understand what’s going on, provide hope he can master them and give us something to work with in our coaching.
Here they are for you if you find yourself in a similar situation.
- It’s amazing how many behaviours can alert us to potentially Repressed Anger
- Who does it happen to and what can be done
- Short example of how healing the inner child may help transform how a person shows up
- A short step-by-step how to you can try yourself to address this in your life.
Self-love is treating yourself with the same love, kindness and compassion you would extend to others from your most gracious, open and kind heart. It is not selfish or narcissistic. It is absolutely necessary to help us show up in a healthy state to others.
So where does this leave us?
Recently, I have been invited to take part in an online conference about self-love. I am so pleased to be one of the speakers interviewed. In my coaching-therapy work I am always helping my clients accept and love themselves using heart and mind fusion. I will be posting the link to this conference when it becomes available so you may want to get on our mailing list.
I hope reading this blog has inspired you to embrace those less perfect parts of you. They tell your true story. They need your love (heart) and understanding (mind). All behaviour is simply energy in motion. So whether it’s anger or joy, love or frustration it is all You! It is all real. Get curious about how you show up. Make time and a safe space to develop dialogue with yourself. Discover and address the various needs you carry within you. Heal and transform what stops you into what will power your success. And if you want some help in this process, get in touch through the contact link.
Until next time. Magdalena