This article shares twenty-five practical ways to improve your emotional intelligence. It is especially relevant for those who:

• want to increase their self-awareness and how they connect with others;
• managers and leaders;
• individuals wishing to improve their results through people.

Let’s get to it!

Emotional intelligence helps us navigate life

We use emotional intelligence to navigate the world, relationships, and everyday situations often without realizing it. Emotional intelligence is also an increasingly popular skill at work and when it comes to growing one’s career. Our emotional intelligence impacts productivity, health and wellbeing, and our ability to work in teams.

Daniel Goleman, a leading authority on the subject, and author of the Emotional Intelligence book divides emotional intelligence into five categories:

1. self-awareness – being aware of different aspects of the self, including traits, behaviors, and feelings.
2. self-regulation – the ability to manage emotions and behavior in accordance with the demands of the situation.
3. motivation – the process that initiates, guides, and maintains goal-oriented action and behaviors.
4. empathy – the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling
5. social skills – everyday skills used to interact and communicate with others such as speech, gesture, facial expression and body language.

Often, we’re better at some of these than others. To be well and to be effective we need them all. Below are simple, proven, and practical ways to increase each one.

Raise your self-awareness

We simply can’t steer ourselves effectively through life without self-awareness. By giving us a better understanding of who we are, self-awareness helps us understand what we need. So how can we develop it? Here are three ways to do it that won’t cost a dime.

1. Pay attention to what you like and dislike in yourself and other people. This information helps create a mirror in which you will be able to see yourself more fully. Over time it will help you develop great appreciation for how you see yourself (self-concept), your dominant thoughts, feelings, sensations and emotions.
2. Get feedback from others and listen to it. Here are three good questions to consider asking: (1) How would you describe me in three words when I’m at my best? (2) What are my top 3 strengths? (3) What is the one thing that would help me bring out even more of my best self?
3. Change everyday routines every now and then to rediscover oneself. A change in our surroundings often helps surface things we no longer pay attention to giving us a fresh perspective on who we are, what we value and what our growing edge may be.
4. Keep a journal or take a moment each day to self-reflect by reviewing what you did and how, and consider how else you could have handled things.
5. Keep in mind this West African proverb, “For news of the heart, ask the face.”

Improve self-regulation

When it comes to emotional intelligence, self-regulation refers to the ability to manage disruptive emotions and impulses. Our ability to self-regulate as adults stems from early childhood development. To become effective adults children must learn to self-regulate both in order to achieve emotional maturity and build healthy social connections. Here are five ways to raise your ability to self-regulate.

6. Pay attention to physical body sensations. Notice what tends to trigger you and explore the roots of these triggers so you can heal them.
7. Practice taking a pause between responding, especially in challenging situations. This will help you avoid reacting.
8. Consciously attend to your breathing pattern and arousal levels and if agitated, find ways to return them to baseline.
9. Practice regular self-expression for autoregulation using art, music, dance, writing, gardening etc.
10. Spend time in nature or consider having a pet. Both are proven ways of returning one to a state of calm.

Raise your motivation

We all need the motivation to get things done, but sometimes feeling and keeping motivated is not so easy. These five practical actions can help.

11. Set goals or intentions that inspire and naturally make your body want to move. You may also find our goal-setting article helpful.
12. Develop a personally meaningful mantra such as, “I show up!”, “I do what needs to be done.”, “I am always learning.”
13. Create a personal routine for getting things done that naturally refuels and motivates you. You may want to explore our Grid method.
14. Celebrate each significant step forward to bank the feel good factor that comes from every step where you learn and advance.
15. Aim to do one thing that’s just slightly outside your comfort zone to face your fears and discover your growing edge.

Become more empathic

We all need the motivation to get things done, but sometimes feeling and keeping motivated is not so easy. These five practical actions can help.

16. Practice putting yourself in others’ shoes so you can better see things from their perspective.
17. Connect with the key emotional note(s) that are being expressed and try feeling them yourself for a brief moment.
18. Pay attention to any personal judgements, biases or assumptions you may be bringing with you.
19. Cultivate open curiosity and allow the other person to be your guide so you can experience at least some of what they are sharing with you.
20. Practice self-compassion. When we learn to be gentle with ourselves, we find it easier to be that way with others.

Improve your listening skills

We solve problems better and get more accomplished when we get good at the skill of listening. These five practical actions can help.

21. Don’t interrupt. In fact, practice asking for more information with encouraging phrases such as, “Can you tell me more about…”, “What else can you tell me?”, “Anything else you notice, feel or wish to share?”
22. Build a picture of what the speaker is saying and avoid interrupting.
23. Summarize the key headlines based on what you think you heard and confirm if you missed anything important.
24. Pay attention to nonverbal cues such as the other person’s body language.
25. Empathize with the speaker. This does not mean you have to agree with them.

How coaching can help develop emotional intelligence

Effective coaching is an excellent way of developing emotional intelligence. Great coaches apply emotional intelligence throughout their work with clients. They:

• practice staying aware of their own emotions and bring greater awareness to the emotional realities for the client;
• help improve emotional regulation by staying calm in difficult situations and helping clients discover internal resources to cope better in the future;
• work to reconnect the client with what truly motivates them and what’s important to them;
• bring empathy into the relationship, helping clients deepen their empathy and self-compassion;
• seek to understand their clients’ perspectives and give honest and invaluable feedback. In other words, they listen with their ears, eyes, and body.

What’s the next step for you to deepen your emotional intelligence?

“In a study of skills that distinguish star performers in every field from entry-level jobs to executive positions, the single most important factor was not IQ, advanced degrees, or technical experience, it was EQ.  Of the competencies required for excellent in performance in the job studies, 67% were emotional competencies.” —

Daniel Goleman

How we can help?

• Book a 1:1 exploratory session to discuss how coaching may help you connect better with yourself and others.
• Try out 14-Day Habit Builder to take a daily step towards deepening your emotional connection with one significant person in your life.
• Explore Body Talk to learn how to tap into the power of your nervous system and use your physical body as an instrument to inform you on how you feel and what you need.

Let’s all do more to strengthen this important skill set.